All of my life I have looked for love and approval in the wrong places. I have constantly needed some kind of relationship to validate me. A few years ago, I got into a relationship, if you can even call it that, and as a result I now have 2 STDs. Saying this is hard in a forum as public as this. I struggle every day with the thought that I am dirty. I struggle every day to know that God loves me and has forgiven me. I worry about how these diseases affect my future. Will I ever find someone who loves me enough to be willing to deal with this? Will I be able to have children of my own? I am on the upside of these battles. I am learning to live with a life that may never be "normal" again. But, at the same time I still struggle. I will probably always struggle in some way. God has changed me, and I don't want the same things that I did before. This situation opened my eyes. It has been a curse and a blessing. More often than not I see the curse though. I pray every day that God will lift the disease from me. I pray that he will heal my body because there is not a medical cure for this. I think if I could tell anyone anything about this it would be that there is no such thing as "just sex." Every choice you make affects not only you, but your family now and your future family. If you think abstinence is hard, try dealing with this!